Drop it all and run (or drive) for the hills!

I spent the week indoors wedged in the tiny space between my sewing machine, cutting table and ironing board that I have carved out for myself in the living room. I finished apron after apron, day after day, when something just snapped. I found myself flailing, feeling like I was failing at everything.

A body that just could not stretch anymore - give more hugs, more cuddles, to be suckled and needed, needed, always needed. My husband came home (finally) - sick - wanting hugs, cuddles and affirmation leaving me to feel like I was just failing at one more thing.

My usual coffee offered no pick me up, no solace.

Yoga was a momentary reprieve, a quiet space within the droves of self doubt. A space that vanished the moment I walked back into my house.

Chopping vegetables, cooking dinner, which I usually find to be almost therapeutic did not calm me.

Washing the dishes only created order on my counter and left me in the same chaotic state as before.

The walls moved in.

The messy bathroom,

             the laundry,

                       the toys,

                             the unending sewing projects

and then I did what I should have done days before: 

I dropped it all and ran, 

or more accurately, 

drove into the hills.

I dropped my chores.

I dropped my constant need to be busy.

I dropped my expectations.

I dropped my disappointment.

I dropped my clothing.

I dropped it all and sank into the warm waters of a hot spring nested at the edge of an icy cold stream. Through the steam I watched my husband and kids, the golden leaves against the dark green cedars, water splashing as the current tumbled over rocks and my world came back into focus - and it was beautiful.